Chapter Two

Chapter Two

I'd never played pool before in my entire life. I knew how, from seeing it on TV and stuff, but I'd never gotten the chance to play a game, since none of my friends could afford to have a pool table. Playing two on two with Emma and a couple of her friends was so much fun. We were in the middle of the second game, and we were winning by so much. I was staring at the table, trying to find the perfect angle to hit the cue ball from, and suddenly I saw a hand grab it off the table. I followed the arm with my eyes, only to see the cute black haired 18 year old that I had met earlier that day.

“James—uh, Jimmy. We're in the middle of a game. Do you mind?” I asked him politely, trying to avoid looking at his amazingly gorgeous features. I just knew I'd burst out giggling if I were to look straight at his face while speaking.

“Can I play?” he asked me flirtatiously. He was tossing the ball between his hands, while he waited for an answer. “I'm a killer pool player.” James gave me a sweet smile.

“Sorry,” I said, faking an apology, but at the same time, trying to hold back a grin. “We're already in the middle of a game, and we already have two fulls teams.” He put the ball back on the table, and shrugged as he began to walk away.

“Wait!” Jimmy turned around to see who had stopped him. “I'm getting kinda bored playing here, so you can take my place.” Emma smiled at him as she handed him her pool cue.

Before she had a chance to leave the recreation room, I whispered to her, “What are you doing?” I couldn't stand being alone with the green-eyed boy that I was beginning to develop a crush on.

“Oh, c'mon! James totally digs you, so go ahead and flirt a little with him! He'll be your's in no time!” The blonde girl shot me a cheery smile and walked off happily before I had the chance to argue.

I turned around to see Jimmy standing there waiting for me, his silky black hair falling in front of his eyes. I stopped myself from staring and said, “you better not ruin this game for me, because Emma and I have already been dominating this game.”

“You don't have to worry about it. As I said before, I'm great at pool.” Jimmy smirked and leaned forward. I was afraid he'd try to kiss me or something, and it would be too soon for that. Instead, he pushed my almost black hair away from my face.

“You know, you really should show those amazing blue eyes more often.” I didn't know what to think of the compliment, because having nice things said to me like that was a totally foreign thing to me.

I looked away from him, afraid of him seeing me blush, and got ready to take my shot in the game of pool. I concentrated on thrusting the long, wooden stick toward the cue ball, and the last two balls left needed to finish the game sunk into separate holes. I jumped in a moment of happiness, and gave Jimmy a high-five.

“You were great, Michelle!” he said, leaning in for a hug. “How much do you practice?”

“I've actually never played before!” I let out a small laugh as I said this. “Well I have, because this is my second game today... But never before today.” He joined me in laughter after this.

After a minute of just standing there laughing, I said, “How did you know my name?” I looked around awkwardly, trying to figure it out before he gave an answer. I was totally confused by this point.

“You told me when you first came here. Don't you remember?” He spoke as if he was confused, but I knew he wasn't, because he and I both knew that I never told him my name. It annoyed me that he was lying, and it made me continue to wonder how he knew my name.

“I never told you my name. I remember everything that happened since I came here, and I remember specifically not saying my name.” I didn't know how to react to all of this confusion. Did I tell him my name and simply forget? No, that couldn't be it. He had to be lying about me having told him my name.

“Okay... I admit, you never told me your name. I just didn't want you to know how I knew your name. I thought you might find it vaguely creepy, even though it's just routine.” He was twiddling his thumbs as he said this, and now he was the one avoiding eye contact.

“If it's just routine, then I know not to be creeped out. You can tell me how you knew now,” I said slowly, still very curious and impatient to find out.

“While you were asleep, the female volunteers changed your clothes. When I was going through them to find anything you might need before we threw your old clothes out, I saw it written on your underwear. I figured you would think it was weird and creepy for me to see your underwear, so I didn't want to mention it to you.” What he explained to me made sense, but he was right. If he hadn't explained it to me that way, I would have thought he was creepy, and probably never spoken to him again.

“That explains it... I guess,” I said to him, no longer confused. “Is it okay if I change the subject now?” I really didn't like how the conversation was going at the moment, so I wanted more than anything to talk about something else.

“Definitely. This conversation was getting a little weird for me, to be perfectly honest,” he said, as he scratched the back of his head.

“Yeah, me too...” I waited for a moment before I spoke again. “I was thinking about how you mentioned making fake IDs for all the teens your helping. When will I get mine?” I'd had a fake ID once before, but my parents found it and cut it up, so I was kinda happy to be getting a new one.

“Already done. While I was looking through your clothes, I found an ID in your wallet, and we used that to make you a new one.” He smiled, knowing that he had surprised me with this bit of information. I thought it was a very long process, since they weren't doing it the same way as it was done with my last fake ID. “Would you like me to bring you to Jane or Henry so you can pick it up?”

“Who are Jane and Henry?” I asked him. The day was going so fast, that I couldn't remember if those were people I had already been introduced to, or if they were totally new to me.

“Jane and Henry are the two people that started this little teen community. They are church people, and one day heard a reading about helping those in need. That's what gave them the idea to start this little place.” He was in total awe as he spoke of them, as if they were the only people he looked up to, which might very well be true. “They even celebrate their anniversary with the people here, rather than by themselves. They are the most selfless people you could ever meet.”

“Alright, I can't wait to meet them!” I said, happily. It touched my heart that there were people that care so much for others and so little for themselves. I guess you could say they make up for the other people, who only care about themselves but not anyone or anything else.

“I can't really take you to see them right now, though,” he said, looking slightly upset. “They have a rule that they are not to be disturbed before 4 PM on weekdays unless they've specifically stated otherwise on a particular day. They are very busy.”

“Oh, well that's okay. I guess while I wait for 4 PM to come around, I'll go find Emma,” I said, slightly disappointed to not be able to see the founders of this wonderful organization quite yet. I waved to him, he waved back, and we parted.

I took a while to find the room I'd been staying in with Emma, but once I found it, I jumped in excitedly. “Emma! Jimmy is the most amazing guy!” I said in a very giddy tone of voice. “I'm starting to get a crush on him, I guess.” I grinned, showing all of my teeth. The few other girls in the room stopped what they were doing, and stared at me.

“Look.... You can't just burst in the room saying stuff like that,” Emma started. “You gotta realize that James in an extremely attractive guy--” I cut her off.

“Believe me, I know that!” I said in a very giddy tone of voice.

“No, let me finish. He's a very attractive guy, which means you are definitely not the only girl here to like him. If anyone else finds out that not only you're interested in him, but actually have a chance with him, you won't make any more friends than me in this place. I'm telling you this for your own good. So keep this all quiet until if/when something starts to happen between you.” Emma was honestly trying to help me-- or else she wanted Jimmy for herself. The second possibility was doubtful, though. She seemed like too much of a nice girl to trick me like that.

I listened to her advice, and decided not to speak of Jimmy as more than a new friend, which was actually all he was. I was hoping that it would be more soon, but I couldn't really expect him to like me back. He was volunteer, and I was just a troubled teen. It's like him being a teacher and me being a student. There were probably rules about him having relationships with people in the program, anyway. It really disappointed me when this occurred to me, but I really couldn't complain. I hadn't even known the guy for an entire day. And there were other guys that were actually in the program that I could find.

Whatever I was gonna do, I would wait on. My main focus shouldn't have been on guys anyway, when I had so much stuff I had to deal with and fix in my life. I'd have to talk to Jimmy or Jane or Henry about when I could talk to the counselor. I needed to talk to someone desperately, and not just a friend; someone who could fully understand what I was going through, help me through it, and give me advice on what to do next in my life.

Thinking about talking to a counselor reminded me of what I had to talk to a counselor about: having a “guardian” that didn't even care about me in the slightest, having two recently dead parents, and having run away from home without thinking and probably being unable to return on my own.

I knew I had to face my drama once again sooner or later, but I really didn't want to because exactly what I was afraid of was happening. I was becoming sad, and on the verge of tears, once again. I had shed enough tears for an entire lifetime, and I knew that I wasn't even close to done crying over the recent events.

I, for once, didn't want to be seen crying, because the girls around me were my peers. I went into the bathroom connected to the large room with the beds and dressers, and locked the door. I sat down on the toilet, and let the tears come rolling down my cheeks. My eyes burned every time a new tear began forming, which was almost by the second.

I knew that the girls in the other room could surely hear me, so I tried to keep the volume of my cries to a minimum, but wasn't succeeding very well. I buried my face in my hands to try to stifle the sound a bit. The crying was giving me a pounding headache, the kind that makes you feel like your head is packed with dynamite; it could explode any minute.

All the memories of the night of my father's death were clear as day now. I could remember the exact details even better than when I was actually in the hospital experiencing them. I was once again with my ailing father, grasping his hand before he died, sobbing into his chest. Seeing him unmoving like that was the worst thing to ever go through. The memory of it all was killing me, and I wanted nothing more than to be with my father and mother once again.

I stopped my crying, and wiped my face with a tissue. I began to look for a razor to use in the mirror cabinet, and luckily for me, there was a full package of disposable razors in there. I could easily take one to slit my throat with, so I could be at an end of this dreadful life.

I guess Emma and the other girls had the same idea as me, because as soon as they stopped hearing the sound of my cries, they ran to the door to try to pick the lock. They knew something was going wrong. I needed to hurry up, before they could stop me. Before they could make me stay on this hellish planet.

I held the double edged razor to my throat, shaking. I wanted to badly to do it, to end it. Is the lack of emotional pain really worth the physical pain, I asked myself. I shuttered as I brought the sharp razor nearer to my flesh. More tears were sliding down my cheek. I put the razor down so I could wipe the fresh tears away. Before I had the chance to pick it back up, the door to the bathroom flew open, with a few girls falling forward. They must've slammed against it to get the lock to break, I thought to myself, after wondering how they might have gotten in.

Emma stared at me in horror, and then down at the razor sitting on the marble counter next to the sink. I stared right back. She was almost as scared as I was about what I had been about to do. She reached forward to grab the razor, to make sure I wouldn't make any sudden moves and kill myself then and there.

“How could you think about killing yourself?” she asked me, as a tear dropped from her eye to the bathroom floor. “You said you liked it here. How could you even think about doing something like killing yourself?”

I myself didn't know what I had been thinking when I held the razor up to my own throat. I didn't really wanna die; I just didn't want to face the sadness of everything. I sat down, trying to figure out how to respond to my friend.

“Everything was coming back to me... My parents died less than a week ago, and I just couldn't take it.” I looked down, not wanting to face their angry faces with my own guilty one. “I'm so sorry for scaring you guys like that. I'll try not to do it again.”

“Trying isn't good enough.” With that, Emma and all the others left me in the bathroom to wallow in self pity. They were absolutely right, and I knew it. I couldn't think like that. I needed serious help before the suicidal thoughts actually had a chance to take me away from this life. There wouldn't always be someone to stop me; this time I just happened to get lucky.

I got up off edge of the bathtub, and went into the bedroom. It was empty. I really must've scared them away, with all my being suicidal and all. I couldn't really blame them, though, for not wanting to be around me. I wouldn't want to be around me if I were them. I went over to my bed, and found my backpack sitting on top of it.

None of the things that had been in my backpack when I left my grandfather's home were in there; instead I found several new pairs of clothes with a diary sitting on the very top. I opened the diary to find one entry in there. It was the only page filled, and the words were memorable.

Writing out your feelings will help you

get over the ones that are hard to deal with.

This book may be the thing that saves your life.

~

Let your new friends be of help to you

and don't be afraid to let them close.

The people here are only here for one thing:

to make sure that your journey

to a better life begins.

From your new friends in

your new and improved life,

Henry and Jane